they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
