I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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