just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize