sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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