I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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