Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
