farters have to be the big spoon...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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