I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
