So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
