Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
