plz talk dirty to me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
