i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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