I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
