This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
