Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
someone owes me an orgasm
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We have started to decorate penises.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
