fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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