wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize