So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
