How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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