you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
