I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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