smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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