It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
