Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
