i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
