Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
