Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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