it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
