Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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