i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
