So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
