i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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