I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
