how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
