Banned from zoo.
Again?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
