hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
