I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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