I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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