i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
