the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
