Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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