So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want to have your abortion
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
