My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
