There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
