did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
