as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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