So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
