I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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