It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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