When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
