I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
