Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize