there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
