do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
