look no pants
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize