My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize