I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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