Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
