Yo dont text me then not text me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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