Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
