i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
