i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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