I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize