he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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