I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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