you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
