it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
