Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
