i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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