he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
