I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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