My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
