Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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