Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
