Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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