I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
