that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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