i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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